Sunday, July 25, 2010

2. Prevent Global Catastrophe With Beef Jerky

On April 13th, 2036 there is a small possibility an asteroid will collide with Earth: 99942 Apophis

Scientists have been working on numerous strategies to prevent this global catastrophe. Some of them include: nuking the crap out of it, teasing it until it eventually gets depressed and commits suicide, making friends with itand persuading it to not collide with Earth, and redirecting its planned course by using the gravity of a very large ball of, you guessed it BEEF JERKY!

Scientists collectively came to the consensus that the most logical plan of action to prevent this collision is to use beef jerky to redirect the asteroid's path.

How will this work?

First they will collect and past together, using rubber cement, several tons of beef jerky. (Mainly black pepper and hot and spicy flavored beef jerky.)

After the rubber cement dries the ball of jerky will be loaded onto an unmanned rocket and blasted into space.

The rocket will travel to the asteroid and deploy the beef jerky ball so it is just within a few miles of the asteroid.

A few months of the asteroid and jerky ball sharing a common space the gravity of the ball, albeit small, can still drastically redirect the course of the asteroid. By 2036 the path of the asteroid will be changed so greatly the possibility of impact wil reduce to almost 0%.

The US believes North Korea is concocting a similar plan to redirect the asteroid's path to directly crash into America. This is not a threat though because sources believe the North Korean army does not have the capital nor the resources to complete this task by the year 2036.

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